Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
