"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
