I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
