Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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