wanna go halves on a baby?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
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so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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