You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
soo... how was my night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
