We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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