You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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