i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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