In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
