I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
