Will you blow on my dice?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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