I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
