Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
