You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
