She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize