I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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