Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
