My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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