So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
