I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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