Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
