There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
