Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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