I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
