Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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