you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
