hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
