he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
