Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
