You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize