Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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