we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
