Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
