WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
