i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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