Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
