That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize