this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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