your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
