I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
