I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
