if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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