Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
