When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
