so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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