He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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