so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
