I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
