I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
