Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
