ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
