:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize