I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
