she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
