she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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