my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
