Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
